My 7 year old son wants to dress up as Malcolm X for his Black History Month presentation.

Solution: Have your son share favorite excerpts of a speech with his class. In his natural face.

It’s Halloween and—

Solution: Stay home.

I accidentally overused the face paint before our Homecoming game.

Solution: Wash your face.

I won’t use black paint, but I’ll do a honey brown.

Solution: Different shade, same thing. Don’t do it.

I’m in the Netherlands for the Holidays and I really want to immerse myself into the celebration of Zwarte Piet.

Solution: Go visit a museum. In your natural face.

It was 1984 and I was a finalist for a Michael Jackson dance contest.

Solution: That doesn’t require face paint. Hope it went well.

   Okay, but what if I hit a mean moonwalk?

    Solution: …no.

It was 1984–my senior year of med school. My buddy might have dressed as a Klansman while I might have dawned an Afro with blackface. Decades later, I might lose my job.

Solution: You might lose your job.

There are no Black students at my high school in Brewer, Maine and we really want to do a production of The Color Purple

Solution: Don’t disrespect Alice Walker. Table read the script as a cast without face paint.

I don’t want to post any pictures or go out in public. I just want to stay home and watch the news on my couch–in blackface.

Solution: Um no.

I want to walk a day in the shoes of a Black person so I can build a sense of empathy.

Solution: Read a book. Also have genuine interactions with Black people, but please read a book first.